tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21359481442325751862024-03-06T16:10:18.723+13:00Abe's OddysseyThe ramblings of a Christian guy struggling with the issue of infertilityAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07395479552597206676noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-59854381692881229572015-10-02T22:46:00.002+13:002015-10-02T22:46:59.912+13:00Hi All,<br />
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Well, I think that this blog has come to it´s own natural conclusion. A happy one, I am pleased to say... well perhaps bitter sweet is a better description. Abbigail is now 6 and has been at school now for a year and a bit, doing really well at school and she is everything we ever hoped for! Thank you all for your comments, your followings, and your own blogs! So for now I will be signing off, but want to say that from now on I will be blogging about other areas of life<a href="http://www.motiv8meblog.wordpress.com/"> here...</a><br />
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Please drop in and say HI! I´m writing now about some of the motivational tips I´ve picked up, and some of my other passions, like running and fatherhood! If you have enjoyed any of my previous blogs, you will LOVE this! If you are looking for something a bit more positive to brighten your day then pop on over. You will be most welcome!<br />
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Take care and God bless,<br />
AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-69700676446897068962014-03-22T09:07:00.001+13:002014-03-22T09:07:23.529+13:00Where to from here?<p dir="ltr">I won't draw this out more than necessary. After several positive hCG tests, our most recent test on Tuesday was a huge drop. Miscarriage is inevitable. So we have been waiting. And this morning it has started.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I let myself believe that it might work. Somehow your subconscious mind gets the better of you, and before you know it your thinking about names, planing what the nursery will look like and thinking about what it will be like to have sleepless nights and another baby to hold. </p>
<p dir="ltr">There is nothing wrong with being positive, but I somehow lost perspective on how easily things can go wrong. I was actually shocked when Sarah told me about the decreased hCG level. I'd been shocked two weeks earlier about the positive hCG! Now that sinking feeling is quite pervasive. It literally felt like the trap door in my heart fell open and I think that is what people mean by a heavy heart. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So.... Where to from here? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Life goes on. Everyone else's worlds go on spinning. So ours will have to as well. Excuse me though if I hit the pause button  for a moment of peace and quiet. Cause sometimes life sucks</p>
<p dir="ltr"><u>Abe</u></p>
Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-17842653660268548182014-03-09T22:31:00.001+13:002014-03-09T22:31:17.809+13:00Spotting<p dir="ltr">Just letting you know that Sarah had some spotting this morning. And I don't know what to think. I know it could mean nothing, or it could mean everything. That's what my 'thinking' brain says anyway. My 'feeling' brain feels <u>like</u> it really doesn't want to know ifs and maybes, I just want to know facts. There is a lot of emotional energy to be spent here. Its just hard to not endulge in some mental ifs and maybes... I need to keep focused and then, what ever happens, we can face the truth of it together. For now, neither of us dares talk about what might be. It suddenly strikes me as odd that most people don't think this way post coitus. Post conception anyway. Most people are ridiculously unaware of the life they have created. Rediculously care free. Its enough to make me feel sick...</p>
Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-45672938667011810932014-03-02T10:25:00.001+13:002014-03-02T10:25:42.322+13:00Last transfer complete<p dir="ltr">Our last transfer is done. It's hard to day how we feel. Numb is possibly the best word. I'm not sure if I can say why. All I know is that it is really hard to get excited. After 3 failures it's become the expected outcome and perhaps the safest one to expect. But I keep reminding myself that God doesn't play the odds. He knows the outcome, heck he's planned it! So there is a glimmer of hope. A seed. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Sarah said this morning that she felt sick. Nausea. Now the mind games begin! I had this thought that actually having a boy would be very fitting. My brother who is younger than me started his family about six months before us and that was very demoralising. I always expected to have the oldest grandchild. A boy would be the only boy in our family and that I could be happy with. But if we have a girl that will be just spectacular too! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Stop getting so carried away! The chicken has got to hatch yet!</p>
<p dir="ltr"><u>Abe</u></p>
Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-16780796138685489122014-02-13T11:08:00.001+13:002014-02-13T11:08:22.838+13:00The last act...<p dir="ltr">We have embarked on beginning our last phase in fertility treatment. We have 1 final embryo. It seems like an eternity ago that we began the treatments that started out IVF journey. We have been blessed. If this embryo fails to implant then we will have such mixed emotions.</p>
<p dir="ltr">To some degree we will be relieved that the journey has finished regardless of the outcome. The pressure of not knowing what will happen to the life we have created and suspended has always been there, even if we aren't always cognisant of it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">As to the process between here and knowing, well of course there is the hormone treatments which we are thankful not to have to inject this time, but the swings will still occur, which I can write off as part of the experience, but Sarah still has to endure them.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And then there is the result. Agony or Ecstasy. Elation or deflation. Child or no child. That roller coaster will take us to our destination one last time.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So here's to the future. Its as clear as mud</p>
<p dir="ltr"><u>Abe</u></p>
Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-72747743061114171102014-02-09T21:47:00.002+13:002014-02-09T22:04:04.143+13:00Male factor infertilityI have been away from the blogosphere for a REALLY long time... Not for any particular reason, but I came back on a whim to see what as going on, and it seems that despite my years of neglect there are roughly a dozen people viewing a page from Stirrup Queens. So that means that there are a dozen or so peopl out there loking for perspective on the issue of male infertility... so I guessI better start perspectivating!<br />
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Since Abbigail was born, we are still infertile. Not even a hint of pregnancy. We have had 2 further attempts at using frozen embryos. We have one left. we have taken a long time to get through them because life has been harder thanwe expected since Abbigail was born. Some of that you know if you've been contributing to my page views ;-) other stuff has been happening too. Sarah has really struggled with painful medical conditions over the last several years, some of them gynacological, so the thought of adding a pregnncy to the mix has not given either of us much enthusiasm for the idea of getting pregnant. Thhose issues aren't going anywhere, but our youthfulness is! So with our one last remaining embryo we will step out into the realm of possibiity once more. If we are uccessful then our hearts will soar! If not then we will call it a day, wave the white flag and sorrowfully accept that one is enough.<br />
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You know, six or so years ago, when I started this I decided that this blog was for me, for any children e subsequently managed to have, and of course anyone who found themselves where I am. If you come across this post and you are one of those people searching for a perspective on male infertlitity then let me know by commenting and or following. It will be encouragement for me to keep sharing.<br />
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Frustrations are some of the hardest things for us guys to deal with. Not understandng why has nothing to do with low sperm count, bad morphology or some other male factor issue. It has everything to do with why me? Why can't it be fixed? Surely there is something I can do! Frustration at one thing comes out in everything. Guys don't compartmentalise this very well...Well, at least I didn't. Stresses from multiple avenues cause everything to be harder. So ladies, if we are snappier than usual, or have short fuses then I appologise on behalf of your man. He doesn't mean it, and has no intention of hurting you with arsh words. If he stamps out of the room in a way that hurts you then give him space. He is likely leaving the room because he needs to not say something that will hurt you. Guys, if you do storm out of the room you need to know that your lady needs to know you will be back, that you still love her, and that you need this space. One thing i have learnt is that woman needs to know CONSTANTLY that you ONLY have eyes for her, that your "I do" doesn't automatically register as "sold". Women who are constantly told of the undying love of their husband are infinately more capable of coping with other stressful issues - such as infertility. So Men... LOVE YOUR WIVES - AND TELL THEM SO LIBERALLY! You won't regret it!Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-65704286135738748212011-12-18T15:33:00.000+13:002011-12-18T15:33:00.840+13:00Advent ConspiracyTo conspire against consumerism... That would take guts! Do you have what it takes to firstly not give into the pressure to buy the coolest, newest and most exciting gifts for friends and loved ones... Secondly, would you take up the challenge to not spend that money on people that don need it (including yourself!). Watch this video, and consider its message seriously... Remember, if you have a roof over your head, own a computer and have food in the fridge, you are within the wealthiest 10% of the worlds population. Sponsor a child, donate to one of the charitable organisations dealing with the famine in the Horn of Africa, fight against slavery... Our money goes such a long way in the rest of the world - make a difference, even for just 1 person - for them it makes a huge difference...
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="227" mozallowfullscreen="" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/32228346?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="400"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/32228346">Advent Conspiracy</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/ijm">International Justice Mission</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-61398140953821962762011-07-02T21:58:00.004+12:002011-07-02T23:54:15.879+12:00HI all,<br /><br />And now for something completely not infertility related...<br /><br />I came across an issue that I thought was completely relegated to the history books, something I never thought was occurring today. Well, let me qualify that, I knew it occurred in some third world countries, mostly due to corruption or poverty, but apparently it is a major industry in much of the developing world, and even in some developed countries... Some countries actually can attribute a good proportion of their GDP to it through tourism and the like... It´s something that reviles me in the very core of my soul. Watch this music video...<br /><br /><br /><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/59uh_85iIrw?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="295" width="480"></iframe><br /><br />I realise that this is almost a taboo topic, but this isn´t the only kind of slavery that is going on in our world, from what I gather, 27 million is a conservative estimate. Children and adults have their lives stolen from them for all sorts of industries from tabacco, to coffee, to Cocoa...<br /><br />ExodusCry is an organisation dedicated to the cause of eradicating slavery in all of it´s ugly forms. Here is a blog post that is worth reading to get an idea of what goes on out there.<br /><br /><a href="http://exoduscry.com/blog/fighting-for-seoul-south-korea/trackback/">Fighting for Seoul, South Korea, Part 1</a><br /><br /><br />and part 2<br /><br /><a href="http://exoduscry.com/blog/fighting-for-seoul-south-korea-pt-2/trackback/">Fighting for Seoul, South Korea, Part 2 </a><br /><br />ExodusCry is an amazing organisation that makes known the indescribable atrocities occurring thoughout our world. They also seek to deal with the root causes by organising prayer and fasting. There are deep and dark spiritual forces that are involved in slavery of any kind, but slavery involving the sexual exploitation of children is one of the most vile. I recommend looking into this topic, it may just change your life. So many lives ruined, so much innocence lost, so many deep hurts.<br /><br />Like the first song says - Our silence is shameful... If we do nothing, and say nothing, then nothing will change.<br /><br />I intend to make my opinion known, what about you?<br /><br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-73029781191578096802011-06-12T15:26:00.004+12:002011-06-12T16:26:32.341+12:00TragediesHi friends,<br /><br />I have several sets of friends IRL who have undergone particular heartache over their children. Two I'm currently mindful of, one of which is a currently unfolding scenario.<br /><br />The first set of friends had their beautiful baby boy born about a year and a half ago. He was born in a particular hurry because he'd stopped growing in the womb. He was born at 36 weeks, but was closer to 32 weeks in development and size. Our wee girl had just been into hospital to have her second cast put on the night before when we got the call from our friends to say that their son (who had been born about 5 days earlier) was not expected to make it through the day. We agonised over what we should do, and decided that despite our we girls new cast, and complication of a hernia that was causing her great pain when it popped out, we needed to be there for them. So, after having had a poor nights sleep with our girl in a new cast, we started our 7 and a half hour car journey at about 7pm that night, hoping beyond hopes that God would somehow work things out for our friends, who hadn't even had a chance to spend a full week with their boy. Toby is his name. Toby was incredibly sick, with his kidney failing to do their job. we learned about 3 hours out from our destination that the doctors in despiration tried something they normally wouldn't, and it worked! Essentially sodium bicarbonate was used to reduce the acidity of his blood. And it looked like he would make it! So, we arrived early that morning, and after sleeping like babies, we got to meet him (well, Sarah did, I was sick with a cold, and decided I shouldn't see him). He'd made it, and while they still didn't know quite what the cause of all his problems were, they felt he would stabalise. We celebrated with them and their extended families that had gathered that weekend, there was such a sense of relief!<br /><br />We travelled home feeling such a sense of frailty of life. Thankful we had been able to be there. Toby struggled and strained for the next few months and ahd some good days, he got to visit the local park, and was transported by plan to starship hospital in Auckland where all the sickest kids go. While they were there they wanted genetic testing done, and the result was told them on new years eve. The condition is called Gracile syndrome. There have only been a handful of cases diagnosed worldwide ever. He slowly deteriorated for another month until he passed away in Febuary last year. He lived for three months. He learned to smile before he died. He was a real fighter, and terribly corageous. His parents have been through the valley of the shadow of death. His parents have been a symbol of courage for us. Toby is no longer in pain, but those he has left behind are.<br /><br />The second scenario is that of a couple we know less well, but have some significant connection with, and they are 22 weeks pregnant. At their 20 week scan they were told that their child has a problem with his cerebellum, meaning that there will be significant problems. He could have problems ranging from physical or mental problems ranging from relatively high functioning and little problems, through to being highly disruptive, through to being in a vegitative state. So they are at the beginning of what will likely be a very long and hard journey!<br /><br />And then there is little old us. Emby #3 miscarried (for want of a better description) last weekend. This has happened before, Emby #1 didn't work either, but this Embryo must have progressed further because Sarah was in a great deal of pain on the Sunday, and that night she passed what looked like a big blood clot, but must have been the placenta with sack attached. She hasn't been through labor, but she said that it felt like what labor must feel like. She spent most of the day and night until the embryo passed in a great deal of pain. We had already resigned ourselves to the fact that this embryo was not going to progress, but somehow going through a mini labor and passing something that was recognisable as an embryo makes it somewhat more disturbing and distressing.<br /><br />Everyones experiences and struggles are very different, somehow we have a huge capacity to cope with what life throws at us. Somehow though we always feel like we are on the knife edge. Sometimes reflecting on other peoples stories of hardship and trial give us strength on our own journey.<br /><br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-69853092124982202992011-06-04T15:25:00.002+12:002011-06-04T15:28:48.385+12:00Nope<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><p>HI,</p><p></p><p>Number 3 hasn't been lucky. The Beta HCG did not indicate that pregnancy had occurred. So we are back to waiting. It doesn't seem to matter how many times we do this, it's still a waiting game. And the twinges of agony continue. We have to wait for one regular cycle to occur, then we can try again. Sometimes I think it pays not to think too much about what has just happened. And everyone's ideas about when life begin are different, but for us our embryos are alive. They all have the potential to grow and be born, and grow further ... So we morn another life that is no longer living. Does it get easier? In some ways I hope not. I never want to decide that the ends justify the means, no matter what, and the ethics of what we are doing is complicated at best, but I will never say that having Abbigail was not worth the attempts, because without those failed attempts she could not exist. That is such a scary thought! To think that we could have decided not to pursue IVF, she wouldn't be sleeping soundly in her bed while I type this. Our lives have changed forever with her birth. but I wouldn't go back to the childless lifestyle for ANYTHING!!! Just stroking her hair is one of the most beautiful things I can imagine, and I thank God for being able to do just that! </p><p></p><p>So with the promise of potential children we continue on the IVF road. We have two further embryos... the statistics tell me that there is a good chance that we will have at least one more success, but statistics are just that, and I believe that statistics are a poor way of trying to predict the future. I know God has it mapped out - we simply have to wait. </p><p></p><p>So that's our news - no joy, but I guess no pain - no gain.</p><p>Abe</p></div>Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-41079736031301453742011-05-28T15:32:00.002+12:002011-05-28T15:58:38.392+12:00Emby number 3Hi,<br /><br />Well, last Thursday we travelled to Dunedin to have our third transfer. We met with some friends who are on their own fertility journey and they looked after Abbigail while we were indisposed. It always seems rather surreal, in the infertility waiting room waiting to be told that we're ready to impregnate you now! Wow, just gave myself visions of alien abductions and the usual probings that go on during such events... Funny how it's not too dissimilar from that really... Don't get me wrong they do everything possible to make you feel comfortable and at ease (aside from numbing and paralysing you I guess), but somehow it just never seems to feel right, it's just odd. But I guess as infertiles we should probably feel used to not feeling normal, right?<br /><br />Anyhow, they seemed to have more trouble this time getting the catheter in the right place, and Sarah described it like she felt they skewered her uterus trying to get the the top part. They told us this time that Sarah has a retroverted uterus and cervix, which means the birth canal is simply not straight, it kinds of bends back towards the spine, which apparently will go some way to explaining her wicked abdominal pains every month. I also wonder if it contributes to our infertility, when combined with sperm that don't know what's good for them, or where to go to get it.<br /><br />But the proceedure was over just as quickly as last time, and given 10 minutes to let the embryo rest and settle, we were up and away again. I took that day and the next off work to take as much pressure off Sarah as possible and allow her to stay as horizontal as possible. It was a good opportunity to have some daddy daughter time. I LOVE that!<br /><br />Sarah had some spotting and cramping, but has otherwise felt no different to normal, and once again we find ourselves reminded that this is actually normal. And once again we are counting down to Monday when all will be revealed!<br /><br />Somehow we still end up thinking too fat into the future - somehow thinking about names pops into my head and I have to tell myself to stop. We haven't thought about names since we decided on Abbigail's name over two years ago!<br /><br />Abbigail has been sick with a cold this past week, and now both Sarah and I are down with it too. So nothing to do, and no where to go because we're all cot cases needing a rest!<br /><br />Anyhow just had to let you know where we are at, and that we'll know in a few days where we are at.<br /><br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-77421271169761562562011-05-17T22:06:00.004+12:002011-05-18T16:50:20.643+12:00Back to square one...Hi everyone, it's been a very long time since I've even looked at my blog, let alone considered writing in it! I must confess to having been negligent in writing, I do hope you can find it within yourselves to forgive my tardiness (in the extreme!)<br /><br />Abbigail is almost two, she shows no signs (other than a little waddle as she runs) of having been "cast" for want of a better adjective, in her hip spica. Her reflux is still a problem and she is now having 30mg of Omeprazole daily to control her reflux (to put it into perspective the starting adult dose is 20mg). They may operate in the months to come to band up her oesophageal sphincter to prevent the reflux, but we will wait and see...<br /><br />She is a delight, and it is a privilege to be her Daddy. She is so articulate, and knows all the letters of the alphabet, and can count to 10 by herself (but doesn't always get it right ;-)). She is a rather independant soul, but loving and caring just the same. Every night when we say grace before our meal she interrupts me and says "Thank the Lord for the swing, and the slide, and the trees, and the flowers... AMEN!", have you ever heard of anything more georgous?! She loves her stories, and in particular the one about the easter story - she calls it the "Jesus is alive story".<br /><br />So anyway, we find ourselves back at the starting blocks, infertility-wise. We have an appointment at our clinic on Thursday to have our third transfer. Once again we find ourselves wondering what the outcome will be, and I'm not even 100% sure we are ready for our next child. But I guess most fertile couples just find out that they are going to have another child, whereas we have to plan things out - and it could be easy to just wait - but we have commited ourselves to giving our frozen embryos a chance at life regardless of our circumstances. We will see it as a blessing to be pregnant again, but hopefully we can forego some of the complications of pregnancy, birth and post-natal period this time.<br /><br />For those of you who know us personally, be advised we are keeping this attempt to ourselves at present. Just because everyone else gets to surprise people close to them with the great news of pregnancy, but us infertiles often don't get that joy, so we are using whatever means necessary to keep it under wraps. It also means that we won't have people asking us in about two weeks time if it was a success or not. It astounds me how people want to know such private details, perhaps it's because we open ourselves up to someone when we tell them we suffer from infertility, and they somehow guess that it's then ok to ask questions like "So... did it work??!!", I almost felt like saying something like "The answer will be obvious in 9 months time, if you haven't figured it out by then, then don't bother asking again".<br /><br />Anyhow, Sarah's on the estradiol, and progesterone pessaries (she'd forgotten how inconvenient and disturbing they were), and we're all primed and ready for another shot at this... Sooo wish us luck!<br /><br />May God be the director of our paths...<br /><br />Good to blog to you all again,<br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-60348771836682555562010-08-01T00:00:00.000+12:002010-08-01T00:00:52.878+12:00My gorgeous little girl!<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQQ-TTF0Sq4V1d_A-Ai8XPNmiVeEj4CD3g-MRnR_XWH4ppjBMqJpEtceqful3xQv_oOX7v6eU03bSCe7vGrLhKhHubiITyUkWkt2zVvP-ENYJiVEKvsGLK8euSvq8jIKoTVx5PSwHlYy0/s1600/IMG_0088.JPG"><img border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQQ-TTF0Sq4V1d_A-Ai8XPNmiVeEj4CD3g-MRnR_XWH4ppjBMqJpEtceqful3xQv_oOX7v6eU03bSCe7vGrLhKhHubiITyUkWkt2zVvP-ENYJiVEKvsGLK8euSvq8jIKoTVx5PSwHlYy0/s320/IMG_0088.JPG" /></a><br /></div><br />Just had to show off my precious wee girl opening one of her birthday presents last month. I still can't get over just how lucky we are to have our special baby girl with us. It still puts tears in my eyes to think of what she has been through, and thinking back to what we went through to get her in the first place.<br /><br />No one can tell you that your infertility is going to end happily ever after, we all hope it does... but never give up hope that it will end happily ever after, cause that 1 in a million chance that it will is worth every last tear drop of hope!<br /><br />We hope to be able to embark on transfer number 3 in the next 6 to 8 months or so.<br /><br />Take care all, and God bless...<br />Abe<div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-52240070908892407242010-06-22T22:41:00.002+12:002010-06-22T23:15:47.063+12:00One year ago...Wow... how time flies....<br /><br />Where is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span> up to now? Well, she has been out of her <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">spica</span> cast for about 10 weeks, she has had her hernia operation, her <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">gastroscopy</span>, and allergy testing, she is crawling, cruising between the coffee table and the couch, taking steps when her hand is held to balance her, she has at least a dozen "words" that we recognise and she regularly practices, like "light", and "shoes", and "dolly". She is always on the go, and so hard to keep entertained and amused. She is constantly absorbing everything that goes on around her and is a complete bundle of joy!<br /><br />Looking back at the post from a year ago, it's so hard to describe the emotions that are still there from a year ago, and everything we'd been through over the 4 years previous to that, in the light of what has happened in this last year. There is somehow a disconnect from the anguish of infertility, the longing and hoping, to where we are now - yet it's still there. But at the very least, regardless of future attempts via <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">IVF</span>, God has given us the pleasure of being parents to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span>. I've regularly thought - how come we deserve to have such a lovely, wonderfully animated and amazing baby girl - and the answer is that we don't. Everything that we've been through as a family over the last 12 months has been an <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">immense</span> privilege.<br /><br />Being a father is the most demanding, tiring, hardest, most emotionally rewarding, exciting, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">exhilarating</span> and tremendous job I've ever done or could ever imagine doing. Hearing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span> say <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dadadadada</span>, having her hold my hand as she tries to figure out how to take her first steps, having her rest her head on my shoulder as I carry her while doing groceries, are all the things that my heart most longed for in having children. There is so much still to come! I have to remind myself not to focus too much on what the future holds, or I'll miss out on enjoying the here and now. She will only be as she is for a very short time!<br /><br />Tomorrow <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span> turns ONE! It's been such a long and hard road this past year. And Abbigail has done so well through it all. We have survived - but when it comes down to it, she is the motivation and the inspiration we have both required to get through it too. It's like the tale of two cities - but more optomistic - It was the worst of times, It was the best of times as well. There simply aren't words to describe how much this last year has meant, how much she means. Tomorrow will be a busy day, and we won't get much time just to dote on her on her special day, but even now, the tears of Joy are right there, willing themselves to fog up my vision as I type. There will be times tomorrow when the emotion will simply be too much - but I think that is the way it is supposed to be. What kind of father would I be if remembering the day when our most special gift was given to us didn't cause at least a little mistiness to remind me just how much this little precious girl means to me - and how far she has come. I hope that never fades...<br /><br />One day Abbigail, you will no doubt read these words, and possibly wonder how on earth we could get so soppy over you. The saying is certainly true - "when you have your own kids - you will understand". But I hope you understand already how much we love you.<br /><br />God bless you, now and forever Abbigail.<br />Abe (and Mummy too)Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-12277876573673839202009-12-25T21:27:00.003+13:002009-12-25T22:48:04.045+13:00Very long time, no post...<div>Whew, it has been a REALLY long time since the last post! Can't believe it was september!</div><div></div><div> </div><div>Well, to briefly catch you up on what has happened...</div><br /><div></div><div>Abbigail spent 8 days in hospital after the tendon release surgery to her left leg. The cast was a HUGE change for her, and she didn't handle it well. It made her reflux 10x worse... She began to refuse to feed, hence the return to hospital. She needed NG feeding, and slow introduction of bottle only feeding. Sarah had to completely give up physically breastfeeding. This was a great dissapointment for Sarah, but she continued expressing. Eventually Abbigail stopped losing weight and levelled off, at which point Abbigail was discharged and placed on weekly weighs to make sure she was continuing to put on weight. </div><br /><div></div><div>The weighs produced a lot of concern for us, and the charts that we had received differed from each other a lot, causing confusion about how she was doing. The end result was that she is well below the 3rd percentile weight wise. And we were only guessing what her weight really was! We felt very in the dark, and she struggled to put on decent weight gains week after week, mostly they were mediocre gains, or no gains at all. </div><br /><div>Her 6 week check up came, and the xrays showed that the problem of the first hip (dislocation of the joint) had occured in the right hip, and that the left may not have set in the correct place. So she was scheduled for a redo of the operation bilatterally, with another cast to go on. They booked us in to have the cast come off mid morning so we could have at least several hours of time with her with the cast off. Sounded like a great idea! We'd be able to give her a shower (as she had had several bowel blow outs requiring more than a simple nappy change!!!</div><br /><div>The day came... We took her in to have the cast off, and they rightly warned us that she would be unhappy with the proceedure, and gave us ear muffs - good thing too, because she was screaming, and I had to hold her still. When the cast finally came off we realised why she was crying so much....</div><br /><div></div><div>She had given herself a hernia - right where you might imagine that it would hurt the most should you have the inside of your abdomenal cavity pushing through the muscle wall. It looked like someone had stuffed a golf ball under the skin, and she was screaming the place down! So that was a really hard time. She was in such pain, and it could randomly pop out leading to a screaming fit, leading to exhaustion, and of course she hadn't eaten since early that morning, so by 5pm she was beside herself. She didn't know what to do with herself because the cast wasn't there, she ahd no leg strength or lower back strength. Putting her down wasn't an option because she felt really insecure, and started crying. So she was a great deal more settled by the time she had the second cast on. </div><div> </div><div>The hernia has been an issue since then, popping out periodically, but over the last week it has popped out at least twice a day. So I think something may have to be done about that sooner rather than later. </div><div> </div><div>We have in the last two weeks weened Abbigail to Formula, started solids for two meals a day, and just today (yes Christmas day!!!) she had her first tooth cut through her gum... SO it's been a fun old time, and it somehow seems that it's been one thing straight after another, or even during another! None of this waiting for one bad thing to finish before starting into the next thing... no... we do things the hard way. I'm told this kind of thing is supposed to build good character. DO I HAVE TOO??? Was my old character really that bad??!! I jest - I figure I should learn from these hardships what I can. They call it "good character" for a reason...</div><div> </div><div>So Abbigail will be in her cast until mid march, at which point she will have spent 6 out of her 9 months in a cast from mid-chest to ankles, and these are the hottest months for us - we are having to strip her down to her bare cast quite frequently and we're only hitting highs of about 20 degrees celsius at the moment! Things could get a lot more uncomfortable over the next few months<br /></div><div>She is adorable, and the light of both our lives. Here's some recent photos Sarah took of Abbigail that I simply HAVE to show off...</div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzI6tRIUupxFINZPA-W0m2HY88Z7L1qvSGBklARnC1otfEWZFSMtAexc3YdrB7NXRL807K2Gs56d2NZ_OSSv3v1oVe_X5Dh8BrLDL1KS-anGNh-qVPkOUQFfoF4g6xC1QNIBe3ot9hFV0/s1600-h/Abbigail+and+flowers+8.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419105573728682018" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzI6tRIUupxFINZPA-W0m2HY88Z7L1qvSGBklARnC1otfEWZFSMtAexc3YdrB7NXRL807K2Gs56d2NZ_OSSv3v1oVe_X5Dh8BrLDL1KS-anGNh-qVPkOUQFfoF4g6xC1QNIBe3ot9hFV0/s200/Abbigail+and+flowers+8.JPG" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlk5dsU8D0aZAJw6aaH8JQOFzaYMqLWkEFZkVqd66yliS5p90vnRiqMFmdindMwtvKSXPc_mBTqU7Bzl503w23aOfF2hUQFmaOIn9x99vR9nMjSRdTNr_KdVBP-Q6hUkWc_I3ZKvr8HHs/s1600-h/Abbigail+and+flowers+7.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419105569429653378" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlk5dsU8D0aZAJw6aaH8JQOFzaYMqLWkEFZkVqd66yliS5p90vnRiqMFmdindMwtvKSXPc_mBTqU7Bzl503w23aOfF2hUQFmaOIn9x99vR9nMjSRdTNr_KdVBP-Q6hUkWc_I3ZKvr8HHs/s200/Abbigail+and+flowers+7.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhioAwPp-hxWhNDJe2gkh91TYv3XCi9W6_GSjuQfssAdek0u7Uvoev95EeQHS-gOumiCf0Wt7d4JIghlTTDfx9Z4Ct1FDJeiYj7RiE19MMhq_6DafLtteVp7MPvZhmqsSvERyfAC6XOMnM/s1600-h/Abbigail+and+flowers+5.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419105560532823522" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhioAwPp-hxWhNDJe2gkh91TYv3XCi9W6_GSjuQfssAdek0u7Uvoev95EeQHS-gOumiCf0Wt7d4JIghlTTDfx9Z4Ct1FDJeiYj7RiE19MMhq_6DafLtteVp7MPvZhmqsSvERyfAC6XOMnM/s200/Abbigail+and+flowers+5.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmEmP7B_bZQB2uM0cLBg5zz9UvDn3qIBYk1p9YlUvAMobfyxZ9NzFt6RvBmqkTW9YKxKifeVP9ci0VyVc36R-IlPFy3k-zoRXqgJtz5oi2mkEg_KMme_br7tPNqbWelRqZlQEdY8aKhZs/s1600-h/Abbigail+and+flowers+6.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419105549927616482" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmEmP7B_bZQB2uM0cLBg5zz9UvDn3qIBYk1p9YlUvAMobfyxZ9NzFt6RvBmqkTW9YKxKifeVP9ci0VyVc36R-IlPFy3k-zoRXqgJtz5oi2mkEg_KMme_br7tPNqbWelRqZlQEdY8aKhZs/s200/Abbigail+and+flowers+6.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK14y1ItDP2aU6GrXctAH-8-LUOv6cmX8GN7k77LN3qsM3DivLVwrjPqDqUimN5T4vI1vthlSVSIxgx_g9oLWkrUMNbkiVR7ynLJT4R1yLSiRh_gLnwYhUAywI2mcgc2jLlCW9PPB2WU0/s1600-h/Abbigail+and+flowers+3.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 150px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419105541218541314" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK14y1ItDP2aU6GrXctAH-8-LUOv6cmX8GN7k77LN3qsM3DivLVwrjPqDqUimN5T4vI1vthlSVSIxgx_g9oLWkrUMNbkiVR7ynLJT4R1yLSiRh_gLnwYhUAywI2mcgc2jLlCW9PPB2WU0/s200/Abbigail+and+flowers+3.JPG" /></a> </div><div>What a CUTIE!!! There are more, but this isn't the easiest way to show you 30 photos...</div><div> </div><div>She keeps us enteretained with her coos, and giggles, shreeks of glee, the way she stares at us when we eat, the way her hair curls up after it's washed, her georgeous smiles that could win the hardest heart... She's amazing, and we are so amazingly blessed to be able to call her our daughter!<br /></div><div>Take care all, and I'll TRY to blog more often...</div><div> </div><div>Abe</div></div></div></div>Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-110710215144478922009-09-20T11:48:00.002+12:002009-09-20T13:33:40.234+12:00The hard yardsHi all,<br /><br /><br /><br />Sorry it's been so long since the last post. Abbigail was discharged on the friday after her surgery. We had to starve her for 5 hours before the surgery, which went well, and had the expected result. She was very dopy but still rather sore straight after surgery, and then only had a little feed off Sarah, and then struggled to get any kind of routine going straight after the surgery. That night was not fun. She woke every hour of so, and would only drink a little bit each time. But friday was better, she finally had a good feed in the afternoon, and they decided to discharge her at that point. She wasn't really happy that night, but Saturday was a great day, she slept and fed well, until the night which again wasn't one of her best, and then Sunday we struggled through. She was increasingly agitated and was very grizzly. She didn't eat well, and we had a really nasty night with her. Then on monday she just refused to drink. Sarah couldn't get her to take anything off her, and she would scream whenever Sarah put her to the breast. I came home from lunch and essentially tried my whole lunch break to get her to eat. Nothing doing! We luckily had our first appointment with her pediatrician that afternoon, so I took time off for it to be there with Sarah. And just as well too. She was inconsolable. She litterally cried the whole hour that we were there. Did I say cry - I meant SCREAMED. I had to take her out of the consultation room for at least half of the appointment so that Sarah and the pediatrician could talk. The pediatrician was great. He was very concerned for her, and one of the things we wish had been done differently with the surgery was that she was weighed immediately before the surgery, but not immediately afterwards. So with all her weight gaining issues we were now completely in the dark as to exactly how much weight she had lost since the operation. She weighed 4.0 kg (I think) immediately before the surgery, and then four days later she weighed 4.8kg because of the cast she was wearing. And we had no idea how much weight she had lost. We know she lost weight because she drank very little, and also she was starting to be able to wriggle around in her cast. We could litterally slide our hands down the front of her cast! So he decided that she needed to be admitted to the children's ward again to be monitored and fed nasogastrically if need be. We got there at about 5pm, and at about 8pm we saw an intern doctor who basically took a history (do interns do anything else?) and then we were left to continue to try to feed her - she refused the breast point blank, and we had to resort to using a dummy to quiet her and soothe her, and then switch it for the bottle - she took some but very little. Over the next day we continued to struggle to get her to drink, and she continued to loose weight. So they eventually tubed her and this allowed us to attempt to breastfeed her and top her up as needed. Which was quite frequently. She has been put on omeprazole 5mg twice daily, and they have stopped the ranitidine, as the pediatrician suspected that it may actually have made her reflux worse. She is on daily weighs, and has had two days where she hasn't put on weight, but also hasn't lost weight. There is little more we can do other than struggle through, but they are going to do some investigation on monday to see what more they can find. They may do a gastroscopy (camera down to stomach) and may biopsy the lining of the osophagus to check for issues. So she is spilling a lot less, but still screams when sarah tries to feed her from the breast a lot. Sarah is struggling with this a great deal, and understandably. we are greatful that she is able to express and keep up with Abbigails needs that way. She doesn't just cry, but screams like she is in pain.<br /><br />Hopefully we will find out more information with the new week that will help us to get to the bottom of the issue.<br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-74457012846902256032009-09-10T10:38:00.002+12:002009-09-10T11:08:01.791+12:00Surgery in 2 hours...Hi all,<br /><br />I can't believe what has happened in the last 24 hours...<br /><br />Let me begin the story last week...<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span> had an appointment at the hospital last <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Thursday</span> to have her Hip joints <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">ultrasounded</span> as a routine check to make sure that she didn't have a congenital hip defect that her cousin had. We had previously had 2 paediatricians, 1 orthopaedic surgeon, 1 GP, 1 nurse and 1 Midwife look at her hips and say that they felt she was fine as there was no audible click on performing the usual tests on her hips. So we thought everything was fine...<br /><br />At the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">hospital</span> the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">ultrasonographer</span> had no problem doing the right hip, and that was fine. So they moved on to the left hip, and had trouble getting a clear picture because <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span> was quite upset and squirming so much. The <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">ultrasonographer</span> got a little annoyed and got peed on for her trouble. (<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Haha</span>! Serves you right for hurting my daughter!) After waiting an hour for the orthopedic doctor to see her, the call was made to give her a brace to ensure her hips were in the proper place. After searching for a brace her size they came up empty handed and so Sarah was told to bring her back next week when a brace would be available, and they would try to do the scan again.<br /><br />So fast forward to yesterday... The head orthopedic surgeon was present to inspect <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail's</span> hips. He immediately diagnosed a dislocating hip due to a really shallow hip socket, and a tendon that was too short that would continually pull the ball out of the socket when attempts were made to relocate it into the joint. Apparently it is possible for a joint to be fine at birth and slowly degenerate over the first couple of months. Apparently the only option is to operate. And so she has been scheduled for surgery today!!! She is on the emergency list, so we are hoping and praying that she doesn't get bumped by something more serious. We are currently starving her so that she can have the general anaesthetic, she is currently an hour overdue for her feed, and she is currently handling things, but we know all hell is about to be unleashed as she has at least another two hours to wait before her surgery.<br /><br />After her surgery she will need to be in a CAST for 18 WEEKS!!! That is longer than she has been alive! The cast will start at her armpits and finish at her ankles, it cannot be removed. There is an opening for her bottom and vagina for obvious reasons, but that is all. No showers or baths will be possible, and somehow we have to prevent poos and wees getting inside her cast. She is going to be 7 months old before we will be able to cuddle her <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">unimpeded</span> by her cast. 18 weeks of time between now and when we will be able to look at her without her cast on.<br /><br />Of course this may explain some of the incessant screaming that she has had over the last month or so, as it can't possibly be comfortable - the doctors say it's not painful and demonstrated the dislocation without <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Abbigail</span> reacting painfully. But seriously! How could it not be at least a little uncomfortable!<br /><br />I particularly feel really bad. Since she was born I have had a number of times where I've gotten so frustrated with her for crying for "no reason", and there were no real reasons obvious at the time, but I still feel like an incredibly selfish and impatient father for being angry with her. She couldn't tell me what was wrong, and we couldn't have known. Her tears are not for no reason, and now we understand what she has been trying <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">frantically</span> to tell us for goodness knows how long.<br /><br />So in several hours we will have a cast Baby girl, that will no doubt be in serious pain, and will be frantically desperate to be fed once the surgery is over!<br /><br />I'll post by phone with updates as I can.<br /><br />Thanks in advance for thoughts and prayers,<br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-57478100536157427052009-09-04T19:24:00.003+12:002009-09-04T20:54:01.187+12:00Long time ... no post...Hi all,<br /><br />Abbigail will be 11 weeks old next Tuesday. That statement by itself is fairly amazing! But there have been trials along the way. The regular day to day of feeding, changing nappies and sleeping are just par for the course now - those aren't trials. Silent reflux, hip dysplasia, spilling milk and poor weight gain are our most recent trials. We realised after starting to treat the reflux that Abbigail actually spent most of her awake time crying. It's funny how when something that's abnormal happens all the time, it becomes the normal. It was kind of summed up well by an incident that occurred after the reflux started to be treated on Tuesday. Sarah needed something from Abbigail's room, and thought she was asleep because all was quiet, so she walked in and discovered Abbigail staring back at her from her cot! A quiet baby has been a foreign concept to us! On Thursday Abbigail had an appointment to have an ultrasound scan of her hips to check they are fine. We both thought it would be a formality, but Abbigail screamed blue urder the whole time, and after several atempts they decided that her left hip isn't properly positioned and that she needs a hip brace to ensure they stay in the right place for some undetermined period of time. So they proceeded to try to fit her to a brace, only to discover that there were none her size, so she has to go back next week to be fitted appropriately and have another scan to try to get a better picture of what is going on for her. On Monday we had the plunket nurse come and visit to weigh Abbigail and check on her progress. Apparently she had only put on 50g in the previous 11 days since the last weigh. Since then practically every feed has been a huge disaster - she simply struggles to feed well. We have put it down to silent reflux for which she is now being treated with Ranitidine. I've been feeding her at night to give Sarah a break between feedings to get a decent sleep, and ordinarily she would cry to wake us up to feed her, then she would settle as she fed and really guzzle it down, but the last three nights she has continued to scream (not just cry) and I litereally have to hold the teat in her mouth so that she swallows some milk between breaths as she screams. That is until she passes out from exhaustion and finishes the rest of her bottle while she is asleep. There are times when she is very happy and alert, so we're not so concerned about her not getting enough, but it's so hard on us, and of course her.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong - this is not a complaining session, or a I wish we hadn't done this, because she is still the most amazing thing that has happened to us, and we thank God for her every day. But it has sure kept us busy, and emotionally drained. The thing is that there are people out there who have much harder times as parents, and considering where we've come from we have no right to complain.<br />She is still a (between screams) constant source of joy and pride to us both. She is more beautiful today than the day she was born! She just continues to get more georgous as the days go by. She is still under 9 pounds. Here are some more recent pictures...<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377523332807482354" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ2Dus-irrdb6CgRxtQM0ENXNGEYAcg0y-WaqUwrJzFaVw2STXaOMwtGgjkWTa31notCGiEdAGF1T5ddCGJhaw9n86jS38Wv9Lk1Kfbv4sBoo2Vqd6TU3c1-xWdLfqe1eo2PB35_zE2BM/s320/DSCF0382.JPG" /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEcuukpCX5g6UrB_HAoi1w0AdOUIVAHgsrzUxnM5ZrLCgSNVrLPxVZCvaV2lXLP-0qeqGbrffCEjC_QGSz3JPXqqYjvpKo687reV3qtk6BQIZjT2QG9fvLILC7IskE_VTbvjDSQlbIdS4/s1600-h/DSCF0352.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377523316851008050" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEcuukpCX5g6UrB_HAoi1w0AdOUIVAHgsrzUxnM5ZrLCgSNVrLPxVZCvaV2lXLP-0qeqGbrffCEjC_QGSz3JPXqqYjvpKo687reV3qtk6BQIZjT2QG9fvLILC7IskE_VTbvjDSQlbIdS4/s320/DSCF0352.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCq1FurE1ABaFM7MMbzsJOlPcadi8Xa57U6gJVGZ5iq4D99XCxsclRsA75O1_ttP53nCjka9M0rexRfGUJQ6ttFyOunoOvmRUe1l33OQOyXSi69a1XF5ccIyDVAhEwXHN0h9aOZyqxHZ0/s1600-h/DSCF0507.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377523309494775154" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCq1FurE1ABaFM7MMbzsJOlPcadi8Xa57U6gJVGZ5iq4D99XCxsclRsA75O1_ttP53nCjka9M0rexRfGUJQ6ttFyOunoOvmRUe1l33OQOyXSi69a1XF5ccIyDVAhEwXHN0h9aOZyqxHZ0/s320/DSCF0507.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcB7OwMmyxR7Io0zcr26rmN4KfC3vwpz1H-HQ7TvkYW79MChgS4Z3f4WKCOvDiDiuGXSkeTh3ahY78E2zKJ7j2R3FdbSfe3KlJphp5lWfKaJiCOtc5VtxieCIiSySVGVlazGewIGSwrxM/s1600-h/DSCF0494.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377523306844104610" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcB7OwMmyxR7Io0zcr26rmN4KfC3vwpz1H-HQ7TvkYW79MChgS4Z3f4WKCOvDiDiuGXSkeTh3ahY78E2zKJ7j2R3FdbSfe3KlJphp5lWfKaJiCOtc5VtxieCIiSySVGVlazGewIGSwrxM/s320/DSCF0494.JPG" /></a> Isn't she beautiful! We just busted her sucking her thumb! :-) That made us both laugh! I had a bout of awesome smiles from her a few weeks ago, and she's teased us ever since with the odd smile. It's a magical thing to behold. So that has caught you up on where we are at right now. The next week or so will be very interesting as it will lead us on to pathways of solution for many of her problems so far. </div><div> </div><div>Take care all,</div><div>Abe</div></div>Abehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-11205791237514840122009-07-05T12:24:00.007+12:002009-07-05T17:10:01.980+12:00The slideshowHi everyone,<br /><br /><br /><br />We got back from the hospital two days ago, and it's been crazy trying to get everything organised just the way you want it...<br /><br /><br /><br />Now I know that I teased you all earlier in the piece with a slide show set to music, and so here it is. For us, the fact that IVF was necessary in allowing us to get pregnant, did not automatically mean "baby in nine months time". Those who struggle with infertility know that there are hundreds, if not thousands of steps in the process from before fertilization of the egg through to live birth. If any one of those steps is flawed in our process then the end result is not a live baby in 9 months time. The rationalist might say "It's only a matter of time", but for us at the coal-face of infertility - there is so much more to it!<br /><br /><br /><br />With the slide show I wanted to capture the emotion, as well as the faith journey that Sarah and I have gone through. Ultimately we feel that without God's loving hand being involved in every minute aspect from formation of gametes through to birth - none of this would have been possible. So this slideshow is as much to present Abbigail Grace to you all, as it is to give our thanks and glory to God for what he has done. And I guess I just wanted to say that he is magnificent. By the way, the photo of Sarah and I with a rose in the background was just after the moment Sarah told me that she was officially pregnant :-)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p align="center"><br /></p><br /><br /><br /><p align="center"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dx3Oeij02zwve0vheyduaZJ67g9mzKo77fP_KYWynKkPuJIgjSIKMtLRBV5QZ42jYGZLaouxFbhWaGRrVQhsA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></p><br /><br /><br />I put this together during the week, and I know it's caused one or two damp eyes since we've shown it to relatives and friends. So let me know what you think, and I'd love to hear if it touched you like it did them. I had the most awesome time making it!<br /><br />I realised that I really need to explain a little bit more about why the song choice was so significant. There's a few lines which stand out to me particularly as relevant in our infertility journey.<br /><br />Only love can leave such a mark - anyone who has truly loved knows this is true. In the case of having children the mark is exponetially larger<br /><br />Only love can heal such a scar - you all know what scar this refers to. Infertility itself is for all of us one of ther heardest things we will ever endure. This scar penetrates so many levels of our psyche - and we all know the one thing that can cure it, is so elusively distant from our grasp... until the magnificent happens.<br /><br />You and I will magnify, the Magnificent - This is perhaps the most moving line of the whole song for me. As a christian, it is only fair that I say that I attribute the birth of our daughter to Him. We couldn't do it by ourselves. Yes medical science was instrumental, but all medical science could do is put the sperm inside the egg. God still had to look over all the biochemical and genetic aspects of the fertilization, implantation, development, birth and everything in between. We all know that there are plenty of things that can (and have in our case) go wrong to prevent a fertilized egg progressing to the end result. We all know there is no such thing as a foregone conclusion.<br /><br />Take care all,<br />AbeAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-27193967405514979012009-06-25T07:24:00.001+12:002009-06-25T07:24:44.436+12:00Introducing . . .Abbigail grace, born at 1.39 pm, 5 pounds 9 ounces. She is feeding<br>really well given her 36 week birth. I'm sorry but I can't send a<br>photo with this method of blogging. Be sure it will be the first thing<br>I do when I get a chance!<p>Flash back . . .<p>We were taken up to the prep area in our gowns and scrubs. I got to be<br>with sarah right up until the birth, which sarah really appreciated.<br>She was given a spinal block, which according to sarah was the worst<br>part of her experience. Having to lean forward and hug her knees<br>(impossible) and not recoil with pain at the injection into the spine.<br>She felt very nauseous initially as her blood pressure dropped as we<br>had been warned. With extra fluid on board she felt much better. They<br>then set her up on the operating table with a screen preventing her<br>from seeing the drama unfolding beyond. I sat next to her just holding<br>her hand as the anaesthetist talked with sarah to keep her mind<br>distracted. Before sarah realised what was going on they announced<br>that they were half way there! Sarah was surprised that they had even<br>started! The anaesthesia was very good! I took a look at this stage<br>with a feeling of mounting anticipation! They must have been looking<br>to find the best way to cut into the uterus. Not only was placenta<br>previa a problem but placenta accretia. Sarah had blood vessels that<br>penetrated uterus. This further complicated things. Several minutes<br>later I looked again and the doctors were playing tug of war with the<br>head and body of our daughter. The doctors won and abbigail was put<br>under heat lamps and poked and prodded, towelled off. My attention was<br>torn as I took in the awesome sight of my daughter, and looked back to<br>ensure sarah was still well. They decided to take abbigail away to<br>neonatal and I was asked if I wanted to go and look after her. After<br>checking with sarah that she was ok with that, I went with the<br>paediatrician to neonatal. There they attached probes and monitors to<br>measure heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and measured blood<br>glucose. All the time I simply can't take my eyes off my daughter. She<br>is SO gorgeous! After what seems like only 5 minutes they declared<br>her well enough to not need to be kept in the neonatal unit. During<br>the whole time I was quite overcome with emotion, and couldn't stop<br>the tears. I was so privileged to have the first meaningful hug with<br>abbigail. She just stared back at me, taking it all in. So about half<br>an hour after leaving sarah, she was stitched up and waiting in<br>recovery. Abbigail and I went back to say hi and reintroduce then to<br>each other. Sarah had a really good session of feeding with abbigail,<br>and eventually sarah was allowed to return to her room. Sarah has been<br>in significant pain since then, and so far has been rather unable to<br>do very much at all. At the moment her speedy recovery and sleep for<br>the both of us would be our greatest wishes.<p>Sorry it's taken all day to get this written. I'm not sure where the day went!<p>Abe<p>-- <br>Sent from my mobile deviceAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-26331020594548868772009-06-24T21:03:00.000+12:002009-06-24T21:04:01.150+12:00Introducing . . .Abbigail grace, born at 1.39 pm, 5 pounds 9 ounces. She is feeding<br>really well given her 36 week birth. I'm sorry but I can't send a<br>photo with this method of blogging. Be sure it will be the first thing<br>I do when I get a chance!<p>Flash back . . .<p>We were taken up to the prep area in our gowns and scrubs. I got to be<br>with sarah right up until the birth, which sarah really appreciated.<br>She was given a spinal block, which according to sarah was the worst<br>part of her experience. Having to lean forward and hug her knees<br>(impossible) and not recoil with pain at the injection into the spine.<br>She felt very nauseous initially as her blood pressure dropped as we<br>had been warned. With extra fluid on board she felt much better. They<br>then set her up on the operating table with a screen preventing her<br>from seeing the drama unfolding beyond. I sat next to her just holding<br>her hand as the anaesthetist talked with sarah to keep her mind<br>distracted. Before sarah realised what was going on they announced<br>that they were half way there! Sarah was surprised that they had even<br>started! The anaesthesia was very good! I took a look at this stage<br>with a feeling of mounting anticipation! They must have been looking<br>to find the best way to cut into the uterus. Not only was placenta<br>previa a problem but placenta accretia. Sarah had blood vessels that<br>penetrated uterus. This further complicated things. Several minutes<br>later I looked again and the doctors were playing tug of war with the<br>head and body of our daughter. The doctors won and abbigail was put<br>under heat lamps and poked and prodded, towelled off. My attention was<br>torn as I took in the awesome sight of my daughter, and looked back to<br>ensure sarah was still well. They decided to take abbigail away to<br>neonatal and I was asked if I wanted to go and look after her. After<br>checking with sarah that she was ok with that, I went with the<br>paediatrician to neonatal. There they attached probes and monitors to<br>measure heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and measured blood<br>glucose. All the time I simply can't take my eyes off my daughter. She<br>is SO gorgeous! After what seems like only 5 minutes they declared<br>her well enough to not need to be kept in the neonatal unit. During<br>the whole time I was quite overcome with emotion, and couldn't stop<br>the tears. I was so privileged to have the first meaningful hug with<br>abbigail. She just stared back at me, taking it all in. So about half<br>an hour after leaving sarah, she was stitched up and waiting in<br>recovery. Abbigail and I went back to say hi and reintroduce then to<br>each other. Sarah had a really good session of feeding with abbigail,<br>and eventually sarah was allowed to return to her room. Sarah has been<br>in significant pain since then, and so far has been rather unable to<br>do very much at all. At the moment her speedy recovery and sleep for<br>the both of us would be our greatest wishes.<p>Sorry it's taken all day to get this written. I'm not sure where the day went!<p>Abe<p>-- <br>Sent from my mobile deviceAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-68657850754334191662009-06-23T07:52:00.001+12:002009-06-23T07:52:55.629+12:006 Hours to go!Whew! We made it! My only problem with not sleeping was because sarah<br>couldn't help but snore when she was asleep. I had ear plugs and<br>everything! I figured she deserted and needed the sleep!<p>It's such a surreal time. This morning is (apart from the early start)<br>is just like every other morning ... But we know it will be a day<br>unlike any other. Head knowledge can only get you so far in a<br>situation like this. We are about to be added to. Our miracle is about<br>to be revealed.<p>After the struggles and heartbreak of the last 4 years, everything<br>(apart from infertility) is about to change. The agony of 4 long<br>years of feeling the pain and dealing with the loss of what we never<br>had is about to come to a close.<p>Sarah has some nerves, but she describes it as more of a biological<br>response as she isn't nervous cognitively. I can rationalise that this<br>is the only course of action that could possibly provide a good<br>outcome, but I know better than most the possibilities of things that<br>may go wrong. That is enough negativity for today. Now that i've<br>thought about it, it won't happen! :)<p>The next time I blog, i'll be able to tell you about our bundle of joy!<p>Abe<p>-- <br>Sent from my mobile deviceAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-59207802527904389132009-06-23T07:27:00.000+12:002009-06-23T07:28:28.212+12:00One sleep to go ! ! !Neither sarah or I slept very well last night. Only thought about<br>tomorrow once, but it's all the other things that come to mind! No<br>doubt tonight is going to be a write off too! But that's to be<br>expected. We are going to have the operation at 1 pm nz time. It seems<br>like a crime to spend this next 24 hours doing things like watching tv<br>or watching movies... But today will pass so slowly and of course<br>there is plenty to worry about.<p>I have dreamed so much of tomorrow. My mind has played through the the<br>scene so many times. I still find the idea so hard to imagine. I can't<br>put a face to the name, or a tone to the voice as emby cries that<br>first cry. This is ridiculous, I can't even type this without tearing<br>up! Tomorrow is going to be an incredibly emotional day!<p>-- <br>Sent from my mobile deviceAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-75813898103138130702009-06-21T19:17:00.001+12:002009-06-21T19:17:38.828+12:00Two sleeps to go part 2Sarah just had here baby shower here in the maternity ward. Iv was a<br>lot of fun for her, especially considering how long she has been stuck<br>here! They had games and food and gifts, it was very special! So many<br>of them have known for a long time of the struggles we have faced over<br>the last 4 and a quarter years. They even got me a "daddy's diaper<br>duty" tool belt. Which was very funny, but it was nice to be included.<p>We will probably find out the time details for the c section tomorrow.<br>I think I will end up staying here with sarah for the next few days at<br>least. I'm really looking forward to up all going home! Its been a<br>long four weeks so far!<p>Abe<p>-- <br>Sent from my mobile deviceAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2135948144232575186.post-28174892514555385032009-06-21T11:26:00.001+12:002009-06-21T11:26:54.283+12:00Two sleeps to go!grrr... I just deleted what I just spent the last 15 minutes typing on<br>my mobile phone. So frustrating!<p>I woke up several times last night with excitement and struggled to<br>get back to sleep. So i'm a little tired today, I have no idea how i'm<br>going to sleep in the next 48 hours! It's like a cross between the<br>night before christmas and the night before an exam that you feel<br>grossly unprepared for! It's obvious what the excitement is all about,<br>but the apprehension is due to what could go wrong.<p>Sarah is having her last baby shower this afternoon. We're going to<br>have iv in the waiting room of the maternity inpatients clinic here at<br>the hospital. Should be lots of fun, but I just hope that if anyone is<br>sick, that they won't come. We have had visitors in the last 4 weeks<br>who have come despite being unwell and have passed on colds etc and<br>its just not fair. Do people just not think when they enter a hospital<br>or do they not care?! Anyway, i'm going to make a point of asking<br>sick people who turn up not to visit us on tuesday. Especially with<br>the swine flu being spread through the community as much as it is at<br>the moment.<p>Anyway, that's enough for now. Will catch you later.<p>Abe<p>-- <br>Sent from my mobile deviceAbehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05909410722629252738noreply@blogger.com0