Saturday, March 22, 2014

Where to from here?

I won't draw this out more than necessary. After several positive hCG tests, our most recent test on Tuesday was a huge drop. Miscarriage is inevitable. So we have been waiting. And this morning it has started.

I let myself believe that it might work. Somehow your subconscious mind gets the better of you, and before you know it your thinking about names, planing what the nursery will look like and thinking about what it will be like to have sleepless nights and another baby to hold.

There is nothing wrong with being positive, but I somehow lost perspective on how easily things can go wrong. I was actually shocked when Sarah told me about the decreased hCG level. I'd been shocked two weeks earlier about the positive hCG! Now that sinking feeling is quite pervasive. It literally felt like the trap door in my heart fell open and I think that is what people mean by a heavy heart.

So.... Where to from here?

Life goes on. Everyone else's worlds go on spinning. So ours will have to as well. Excuse me though if I hit the pause button  for a moment of peace and quiet. Cause sometimes life sucks



Chuck said...

I am so sorry Abe. I know that "trap door" feeling all too well.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm so sorry Abe.

Stacey said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart is heavy for you and your wife right now. Please know you're being thought of and prayed for.