Still in hospital...

Hi all,

Sarah is still in hospital. There have been a few minor dramas - like Thursday when I was about 70% convinced that Sarah was about to go into labour. She had lower back pain, lower abdominal pain, had to lean over the bed to try and get comfortable, that kind of thing...

... but it petered out into nothing.

Sarah has had a blood clot inside the uterus which has been slowly releasing clots via discharge over the last week. They initially told us that she could go home once she was 24 hours with no discharge or clots. Sarah has been clear for about 36 hours - but they are waiting for another ultrasound scan on Tuesday to determine what is happening with the clot. If it is getting bigger - that is bad and could cause the placenta to come away from the lining of the uterus. If it is getting smaller then that is good, and Sarah may get to go home to have bed rest and no activity. That still leaves the problem of the placenta previa, which could still be a problem as the cervix softens and the uterus changes shape over the next few weeks. So lots of potential for drama, but we have been blessed so far that there really hasn't been any.

It has gotten me thinking though about "what ifs". I think my worst case scenario is that something happens and the doctors say "you have to choose between Sarah or the baby" - that is a question I don't know the answer to - and know I'm not likely to have to answer, so don't worry, I'm not getting myself too worked up. But it has really shown me how silly I've been in the past. I'm sure I've seen movies or read books where this question came up and I'd always thought "that's easy, choose..." - I haven't finished that sentence because I honestly can't remember what my oh so wise answer was back when I was free from the grip of emotional attachment...

I'm prepared for the fact that there is a possibility that things could go south - and I'm told they can go south very quickly - but surely I wouldn't have to choose...

I guess I should also say not to worry I'm not getting all pessimistic about this, I'm actually remarkably positive given the train of thought I've just taken you through. I have every confidence that Both Sarah and Emby will be just fine -it's actually really exciting that Emby could be born at any time. Sarah had the IM steroids that help speed the development of the lungs, and I'm told that 33 week babies do very well - if that's what Emby ends up being... It seems that the whole transition from husband to Dad occurs too quickly in the scenario where a c section is necessary, I imagine that when a normal delivery occurs both parents are at least mentally prepared that the baby is NOW on it's way - we may not get that. Another scenario is that Sarah has to have an immediate C section because she goes into early labour - and the baby could be out in the real world before I even get to the hospital from work - now that would be crazy! There seems (in my mind at least) some kind of visual cue that needs to happen for a father to see his child being produced from his wife - I think it would be horrible to simply arrive in the room too late and be handed the child and told that it's yours. It almost seems like there really is a stalk in that situation and you wake up one morning and a baby all swaddled up is sitting on your doorstep! Anyway I digress... I want to be able to hold Sarah's hand and watch as the baby is pulled out through the sunroof, and takes it's first breath and has it's umbilical cord cut. I think I need to see that.

So in the meantime we are watching and waiting with baited breath. Just what will the next 48 hours hold... and what about beyond that??!! It's amazing how you spend so long trying to get the chance to be parents - and when the time is almost upon you, you realise that you completely unprepared - despite all the nappies you bought, and the cot, and the change table... you get the picture. Obviously nothing can prepare us for this final frontier, but I'm sure God will give us that strength and the wisdom at just the right times.

On another note, I have decided that when Emby is born, I will need to make an electronic slideshow of photos/movies we have of the pregnancy/birth/early days to show friends and family (and you guys too!). The other day I decided exactly what song I will put with it - and it's possibly an odd one to initially consider, but I think it's perfect. And nope I'm not telling - yeah I know I'm such a horrible tease!

Take care you all - sorry for being neglectful of staying in contact - I kind of feel like I'm being pulled in about six directions at the moment with Work, Church, Sarah in hospital and all the other daily things. I'm sure you all understand.

Take care,
Abe