We are on track for having our second transfer - this time with frozen embryos. with this opportunity came more decisions and consent forms... We've decided to have 1 embryo thawed. If greater than 25% of the cells are damaged then we will have a second embryo thawed and have both transferred. If no cells survive the thawing process, then we'll have another embryo thawed, and so on until we have an embryo with at least some cells surviving.
I know that there are potential lives in the balance with these decisions, but in some way I kind of feel rather numb to it all - maybe it's just that I've resigned myself to the fact that in this whole process as well as in each individual step that makes up the process - there is very little that I can do either way - to make our chances better, or worse. And in some ways (perhaps a warped and twisted point of view) it's reassuring because it means that God is more in control than I am. I find it's the things that I have the most control over that I screw up the most in life. It's always the things that I have to make decisions about that keep me up at night. If I have no control, then it makes sense in my head that God is potentially more at work - behind the scenes.
So we are another step closer to being, yet again, on the edge of our seats with a 2ww, and all the really dangerous hope trying every so hard to bubble up to the surface. It is easier to be numb - but less real. You know what I mean...
So - so far, so good.