Broken - This could quite adequately describe my current feelings. Like many lifehouse songs it has that haunting sound. It asks questions, it raises doubts, and it very eloquently portrays loss and grief, but it comes back to the sure and certain faith that God is there for me, to hold me when I need him, and to heal me when I break. So I'm holding on too.
Frail - This Jars song is a classic, but has just a certain something about it - I haven't decided what to call it yet, but again its very real, it doesn't pull any punches and deals with feelings of weakness, but somehow (in my mind at least) makes me realise just how hard it is to be truly frail - truly not scared of being broken by life - because in the moment that we feel weakest, in the moment that we are truly frail and ready to give in - it is then that God can lift me beyond my own ability to help myself. It does say in the bible that when we are weakest is when God is at his strongest through us. It is at the point of true submission when we know we can't help ourselves, that God reaches down to pick us up.
Worlds Apart - again a great Jars song. I like this version because it gives emphasis to the fact that Jesus has done it all on the cross for us and truly praises him for it. I appologise that it's 10 minutes long but it is worth it. Once again - it deals with the struggle between living the life we know we should live verses the life we actually live. I'm not likely to ever be perfect in this life, but I'm just grateful that dispite my worst screw ups in life, God is willing to take that world apart from me.
I don't think I know of any songs specifically dealing with infertility - I've love to hear them if you know of any - please let me know! I'm a sucker for songs with deep meanings!
I'm feeling a little more positive these last few days, but I fear that with all the stress the work is piling on I may have to do something about that.
I may have wondered off topic a little with this post, but the songs still have a big influence on how I deal with the here and now with infertility.
Sarah and I wait with baited breath for her next period so she can start her next round of pessaries and tablets to make sure that the uterus is all ready and prepared for the next transfer in a couple of weeks time - you guys know the drill - there's still that monthly tiny glimmer of hope to contend with (you know - while we're being entirely honest and everything ;-))