Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Everyone is pregnant!!!

I want to start out by saying that I don't begrudge any couple their pregnancy. I still think it is one of the worlds MOST amazing things that life can be formed within a woman and grow to become a baby which has it's whole life ahead of it - so don't get me wrong about this post...

But is there anyone out there who's still go the old fashioned inability to conceive anymore??? I mean apart from all the lovely people who are currently reading this blog of course... you guys are great! But it seems every couple I know -who at least wants to conceive - has managed to do so within the last couple of months. 

My wife and I were the first couple in our circle of friends to get married. We sure as anything feel like the last to still be childless. Both Sarah and I are the oldest in our families... all her siblings have had their first and are probably considering more, and my brother and his wife announced about 6 weeks ago that they are pregnant - I think there was a point last week when in 3 days we'd had 3 couples tell us that they were pregnant.  

I must say though that people are generally doing a very good job of announcing their impending bundle of joy in a sensitive way.  But a lot of the time when we get annoyed or feel that deep twist of a knife between the shoulder blade and the spine, it's generally because we are just over sensitive. 

I realise that this whole thing is about give and take, and being aware of the fact that people don't really mean things to come accross the way they do if it irritates me. Perhaps there are people out there that just love rubbing our faces in it - but I tend to think the best of people unless they give me really good reason to suspect they are actually evil, nasty people.

I guess the point of this blog is just to get it off my chest a  little... And to say to God - I realise I'm a nobody, that I'm insignificant, that I'm nothing until you make me something. I want to be a father - But I'm nothing until you make me something. 

People might try to argue to that with IVF we are trying to circumvent what's natural - or even what God intended. No one's been brave enough to say that to my face, but even if they were thinking it - I put it to you like this... God can still prevent us from having our own biological child if he wants. I can't stop that. As we saw last cycle. What I'm trying to circumvent is the curse of infertility - which I don't think is God's doing.

Take care all,


Glen and Andrea said...

Yeah I know how you feel, it has now got to the stage where every one is having thier 2nd or 3rd child for us. We are in a slightly different situation to you as we have adopted our first child now, but it hurts all the same. There is still the pain whenever we hear of someones "good news". My sisters anouncement of her pregnancy is not an example of understanding, it was a txt saying "where're increaseing the stocking rate here, I'm due in Nov." Shes a farmer so that explains the rural terminolgy for increasing the size of the family.
This is the same person who said the reason we are not pregnant yet is because God was teaching us patience!! We know how you feel, thats about the best we can say. Cool blog.

Searching for Serenity said...


I've been trying to come up with a response to this post. Not much has come to me except to remind you that you're not alone. One of my closest friends is scheduled to deliver her second child next Tuesday. Her husband have met and had two children in the time we've been trying. That is why I continue searching for serenity.

Thinking of you.

Glen and Andrea said...

A very eloquent post. Although not a male I am still very much benefiting from your blog. My blog originated as a journal of our adoption, it also chronicled our infertility pain but has now morphed into a polite photo album. So reading your blog and commenting is serving me well as a private place to mourn and vent. A place I used to have but have somehow lost.

Honestly, I think that those of us living with infertility are more concientious about what we say and how we make others feel. And more sensitive than others - but not OVER sensitive. I think that unless you have experienced it you don't understand the extent of the pain and related thoughts one can have, therefore people probably can't be as sensitive as we really would like them to be.

I think I've woffled far too much here and probably have been unclear on what I'm trying to say. Girls can do that ;)

Abe said...

Hi Glen and Andrea,

Thanks for your comments. I have found that being able to read other people's blogs on the matter of infertility has been a great way to explore the emotions and journey of infertility in ways I've not yet experienced, so feel free to share whatever you want here as anonymously as you like - I know I would never have been able to share the things I have had I known that everyone who knows me could read all my most personal details - somehow it's not so scary when I'm anonymous :-)

I'd love to hear more of your journey